That's intense
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize