Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize