he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
