Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
A+ Viking dick
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
