I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Still dying that you shit outside
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
