So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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