I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
