How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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