Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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