Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
