i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize