i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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