my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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