Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How external is "for external use only"?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
