I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
