The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
MIDGETS
????
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
