We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
