Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
