ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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