Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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