Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
