hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
