He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize