Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
