woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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