when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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