watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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