Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
