Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
