If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're like the curious george of whores
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
