well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My breasts were aching with rage.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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