my vag is so smooth its legendary
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
