is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize