I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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