I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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