I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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