wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize