I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
