i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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