hell yes lets make some ravioli
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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