Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
