Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the day after is always just damage control
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
