my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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