the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
