so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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