im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
