I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
