Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
