We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
