The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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