yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
