I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
