I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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