Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
