Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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