I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
