oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
