I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
