didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
