I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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