I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
