If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
