I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
