addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is it because I queefed?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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